A Dark Place

it’s been six months since my last blog and I only have two months left. Its about time for me to get posting, for the next two months I’ll be posting 2-3  blogs per week. There’s so much I need to catch you up on but for now I’ll start where my feet are, Ecuador! Coming here was a last minute decision.  Our route was taking us to Romania but due to the Ukrainian war we got rerouted. I have been here for two weeks and so much has happened. I am working at a 300 acre Christian camp in the mountains called El Refugio, in English refuge or shelter. Here we do manual labor from 7:30 am to 4 pm with an hour break for lunch. it’s hard work and at times makes me wonder what the heck I’m doing, it seems pointless but more to come on that later. For the first time our squad is not living together. I’m living with four girls about an hour away from half the squad and 30 minutes from the other half of the squad. If you’d like to know the more logistical side of what my day looks like you can call me anytime between four 4 PM and 8 PM Minnesota time and I’d love to talk but I have more important things to say right now. 

Man oh man, raking  7.5 hours a day isn’t ideal neither is chopping trails through a beautiful forest with machetes but praise God it’s because of his kindness he has brought me to a shelter, a resting place, seeking refuge from this world just so we could have my full attention. He’s brought me to a perfect place yet I don’t give him my full attention. the enemy is sure at work. Ecuador is a pretty hopeless place the, devils playground you could say. Being here I seen the enemies tricks. deception, distraction,  discouragement. the same tactics that he always uses yet I still blindly fall for them. The first week I found myself working hard to please my jefes,  bosses in English knowing that everything I do in the name of the Lord is not in vain. Yet I was doing it for the people I work with. I was reading Gospel of Mark every morning and was finding a bland, hopeless story. I questioned how it apply to my life. I would go on morning walks with The Lord to pray and worship and I find myself no longer speaking to the Lord thinking random thoughts, then song that brought me to the Lord and reminded of his love hurt my ears they couldn’t be more boring. I thought I was as deep as I could go with the Lord. Thinking there not much more than the typical story of salvation. He came, he died for me, he rose for me, I’m free. I felt nothing. Praise God faith isn’t a feeling. But why can’t I live out the truth I know and believe. Throughout the day I would find my mind polluted with horrible songs. One thing I have been doing over the last month is filtering out my music that doesn’t glorify the Lord. And then I would have the most intrusive songs came into my head and just pray that it was the last time I would hear them but I couldn’t get them out. Also, I felt so discouraged about the work. why am I doing this only to cut the grass with the weed wacker again in two weeks? I seriously question my life what was the point. it wasn’t until my friend Naomi got physically sick Friday morning.  Naomi, a rock, a fighter, one who doesn’t get sick was puking. Feeling disgusting about herself. And holy moly did I realize I had been feeling the same. On Friday once we finished work we packed up our stuff and caught the bus for a two hour ride to be with the rest of the squad for the weekend. on the bus I realize the darkness of this place, the sin that this place has. Seeing the sexually objectifying stickers on the front of the bus tearing women down ironically right next to government sign on the side of the bus saying report sexual abuse. Made me pissed. We didn’t know where to get off the bus so I asked the worker where, He mumbled an answer that I couldn’t understand, when I reasked he mumbled again so I said thank you. I knew there was something off about him. do you ever look in someone’s eyes and see nothing, no light, no help, no life, I kept catching glimpses of him and noticed you kept rubbing his knee it was really hurting him. My first thought was to give him some Advil. that’s so twisted I thought I have a God who heals and my thought is to give him medicine? this man might know who the Lord is. then I thought well if God wants me to pray for him he can give me the Holy Spirit heartbeat and then I’ll know. Well It never came so I never prayed. When we got off the bus at the stop it it only kept gets darker. I remembered what I read in Mark chapter 3 that week.

 Again he entered the synagogue, and a man was there with a withered hand. And they watched Jesus,to see whether he would heal him on the Sabbath, so that they might accuse him. And he said to the man with the withered hand, “Come here.” And he said to them, Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do harm, to save life or to kill?” But they were silent. And he looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, and said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was restored. The Pharisees went out and immediately held counsel with the Herodians against him, how to destroy him.

And I immediately felt so convicted imagine Jesus looking at me with that kind of disappointment because I was silent. I didn’t feel like getting out of my way to bring the good new. But how can I bring the freedom of the gospel if I don’t even feel it. I was living in fear of what’s is going on around me, knowing In a place this dark there has to account against me. I was thinking there’s no point. Sexual sin is huge here.  the sexual spirit is alive in raging and sex trafficking is one obvious affect. About halfway through the race I started feeling the strongholds of where I was, walking past certain neighborhoods or buildings, I feel temptations of sins, even the ones that have never been part of my life. A feeling that is disgusting and only adds to the hopelessness. It also doesn’t help that we stand out. Classic Gringas carrying big bags moving most there belongings for the weekend. at the bus station everyone holds their bags in front of them so nobody gets robbed. Getting off the bus people are yelling at us for money. I just feel gross I don’t want to be here. I found my heart hard to the suffering of others like I’d rather not address it cause it seems uncomfortable. I ought to be ashamed of myself.
Getting home with the rest of the squad only added. Two teams work at a sex trafficking rescue place for girls. They have girls ages 9 to 17, some have children as young as 14. Some sold by their own family members to make a living. It makes me sick to my stomach. I was talking to Friend about what I’ve been feeling and realized that he had been feeling the exact same thing. That Friday morning Naomi‘s Bible verse of the day was about putting on the armor of God preparing for battle. I did not think Ecuador would be so tense. honestly I was expecting an easy country but boy was I wrong after realizing the dangers of this please every time I leave base. But praise God that all fear and anxiety can’t exist in his presence. I did not wanna leave Saturday but some friends were going to the mall and I didn’t wanna be home so I decided to go. The whole time I felt unsafe thinking about the stories of the girls who have gotten kidnapped, feeling that I couldn’t trust the Uber driver, shopping in the mall seeing so many stores and clothes that reminded me of home and the comfortable place I have, “Lord please send me home” I prayed.  I felt as if I was having a panic attack, I couldn’t breathe. Then walking on the street a little girl asking for money on the side of the road caught the eye of my friend Naomi‘s and I. Thoughts of what could really be going on in this girls life raced my mind. We went to talk to her.
We talked to this 7 year old about what she was doing, if she went to school or what her dreams were and so on. We prayed for her and her family and Sadie, a friend gave her a coin. Knowing the coin was going would go her family still decided to give it. We said goodbye and as we walked away this woman made a comment to us she said “why give money, that’s her family standing over there and they’re going to take it from her”. She had a valid point. I just looked at her smiled and walked away. Then Naomi said Liz that’s the girl from Sunday. Last Sunday on our way to ministry Naomi and I were in the bathroom at a grocery store. it was one stall and I was waiting for Naomi and this woman walked in. She was mumbling couldn’t speak and there was a darkness over her. You could see as clear as day. the enemy had a hold on her. I’ve run into people like this some so clearly possessed and don’t always know what to do. Jesus clearly cast demons out he called them out and they came he calls us to do the same. I don’t. Naomi and I both looked at each other as if questioning what was wrong with this woman we knew something was off. I told her she had pretty eyes and we left. We prayed for her as we left but I knew that wasn’t gonna do it. I have been feeling so convicted that I never prayed for and we prayed that God would let us see this lady again. And there she was right in front of us of course shes make that comment we said. I couldn’t believe it this same woman on the opposite side of the city with more than 2 million people, all becuase she saw us taking to a little girl. Also guys taking bold steps is so much easier with someone else if it weren’t for a friend who said “Liz, come on” and took the first step towards her who knows if I would of gone. Janelle is a her name and we learned about her job, family, prayer intentions and she let us pray over her. I could see how encouraged she was. Just because we took the time to pray for her. The whole day I was angry at the Lord for bringing me outside in this place i hated. The whole time I felt like I could do nothing about the situation here. But this encounter reminded why im here. 

Isaiah 61, a well know verse. The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, I’m anointed to bring hope. How silly is it of me to think that this is my battle to fight. Of course I can’t change this huge city. Or one person. but it’s not me doing the changing. Somehow I felt that this was on me. The message of hope is way bigger than me. In a world this dark how can I hide away at base. This is about life or death. how can I see people suffering, living in bondage of sin and think I don’t want to go out because I’m safer at home. how dare I feel like that. how dare I even think that this week. On our uber home another encounter with woman. I tried talking with her but she would barely look at me. Naomi started singing “ there is power in the name of Jesus” and “Jesus loves you” over and over.  She immediately turned the music up high and was driving crazy aggressive. But this time around I was thanking the Lord that I got to be there. I asked the Lord to rise up a righteous anger in me to make me mad, to make me furious, so outraged I can’t ever keep my mouth shut when I see injustice happening. I pray the same for you. 

 

Lord I pray we grow angry for what makes you angry. I pray we recognize injustice in the world and act to change.  I pray we belong to this world less and less everyday. That you strip us of all pride that only you are seen when people look at us. I pray for an end to sin. An end to sex trafficking. I thank you that you are a God who answers prayers, who gives second changes, who cares enough for your people to drag others did out of there zone. Thank you for your kindness Lord, thank you that I am here. 

 

Thanks for reading, Stay turned for my next post. 

God Bless,

Liz